Screwdrivers, Stilettos and Smirting!

Well, here it is - the one thing that all quitting smokers dread - the night out!

As one of my friends (known as a social smoker - i.e. only smokes when she drinks) says: alcohol and cigarettes, it's like fish and chips!

I hadn't been out with this particular friends in ages and since we had worked together all week I ended up with an invitation to a friend of this friends birthday night out...

Having only been off the cigarettes for two and a bit weeks I knew that this would be a problem. In fact, its the thought of nights out that are one of the reasons why I usually end up back on them. I figure I am going to smoke anyway, may as well start 4 days early :)

This time however the thought of having a fag beforehand never crossed my mind. My friend calls it smirting - smoking and flirting! and I like it!

I smoked on the night out, maybe 4 or 5 fags overall. The next day my hangover was awful (helped along somewhat by the french martinis that we had!! never again BTW!) and I didn't smoke. I don't really smoke with a hangover anyway - good excuse to be drunk more often I suppose.

But today (Monday) I put a patch on and haven't really been bothered at all. The mental difference is acute at times like this, when you realise that something has significantly changed inside you. Perception has shifted and this is not a phase. Some of my long term friends roll their eyes when I say I have stopped, one of friends tends to ask: are you on or aff them the now, before she has one!

So for the time being maybe the term ex-smoker isn't true, but a smirter... I could live with that!

“Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.”

Well J R R Tolkien - I am most definitely a wizard!

So as my 2nd week milestone flies towards me at breakneck speed I would be lying if I told you that this week has been as much of a dawdle as the last. In fact up until 2 days ago I would have reported that on the whole I am feeling really good during this quit attempt, to the point of which I almost don't feel like I am not even giving up an addiction.

Until of course I went super-nova at my Mum over a comment about the bra I was wearing on Saturday!

Ok, there were other things going on that day and I was feeling a bit emotional on the whole. It was also my 1st day off after working 60.5hours over the last 7 days. On top of that - it was THAT week!

But regardless - I did go a little OTT. A little being a large understatement. I went nuts, I also went nuts at a taxi driver who overtook me in a 40 zone as I was going 40. Annoying I know - but the guy nearly had a heart attack when I started hammering my horn, flashing my lights insanely and proceeded to drive up his arse for 10 whole minutes before I had to turn off for my street... ehm.... sorry about that by the way.

However as the 2nd week mark approachs (touch wood) yesterday and today have been ok and I am hoping that it was more the fault of THAT week and the other stuff that has had more of an impact that anything else. I am also going to spinfit tonight to try and work out some of the aggression - 

Kickboxing may also be next on my list of new things to try this year!

A week in the life of....

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

~William Shakespeare

A week can feel like a lifetime. In this past week I have had tremendous highs, laughed until my sides hurt, heard of great loss, worked over 60 hours, used up 3/4 of my tank of petrol, read 1 book, sent 100s of texts, several e-mails and have had 0 cigarettes!

Time is an interesting concept. Although our world has a natural sense of time - the seasons, sunset and sunrise and the planets circle of the sun, it was human beings who created time as we know it know. We count our years, split them up into more manageable chunks so that we can wrap our heads around this concept. Going even further these months are split into weeks, weeks into days, days into hours, hours into minutes.

When you are giving up smoking you are usually given some sort of patronising help book or leaflet from the pharmacy - written by people who have probably never smoked a day in their life but have enough qualifications and research skills that they can tell other people how to give up their addiction. (not that I have an issue with this... or anything).

Advice shifts, depending on where you go, but one things has remained ironically constant over all of my quit attempts. I am always told: TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. Encouraged to reward myself for getting through a day, a week, a month, a year. I don't have a problem with this - in fact my facebook status today is 1 week :) But here is the thing - a week is a small part of the rest of my life, so much happened this week - things that are more important than me and my personal issues, and that has given me some perspective. 

I'll keep up the blog of course - bad things happen to people all the time and people still enjoy music, comedy, friends and laughter. Life must go on, as they say. However, maybe a little less self-centred blabbering to the world is a good thing. So I am going to take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone in my life who is supporting me in this blog, in my quit attempt, and in my life in general.

Now I am away to do some chores - and show my parents how much I love and appreciate them. If anybody reads this blog - do me a favour today - hug somebody you love - hug them really hard.

Have a happy day folks!!

A niggly itch....

Stress... one of the main reasons why people say that they smoke, and one of the major reasons why many smokers do not want to stop and defiantly THE reason why ex-smokers relapse:

Example A: The women I worked with on the tuck-in shifts the last 2 evenings. This women did my f'ing nut right in! Everything about this women annoyed me; her lack of professionalism, her opinions, the way she talked, her attitude... ARGH!

This is what is known as A Stresser!

There was one point where I had to physically fight the urge to walk to the shops for fags... just to get away from her. But I persevered - text everyone in my phone book - and engaged with the service users at a level that I never have achieved before in my 4 years of social work experience. I got through it, it was a tough test, but I feel like I have succeeded!

Roll on the 1 week mark :))

Confessions of an addict

One of my friends has just celebrated 6 months fag free - and another has made it to 1 week. Seems like a huge difference, but the friend at 6 months had a torturous weekend at a festival and still mucho craved a cigarette. She didn't smoke - which was an absolutely awesome accomplishment. She knows how proud I am of her (especially as I told her several times having had a cider or 6 too many).

Wither you are at 1 week, 6 months or on day 2 like me, an addiction is tough to break!

A smoking addiction is defined as a high dependence on a tobacco based substance - nicotine is the product which alters the chemical imbalances in the brain and results in feelings of pleasure (believe it or not).  Over time the brain grows nicotine receptors - the longer somebody smokes the more difficult it is for them to stop because their brain will have grown more receptors over time. When the receptors are starved of nicotine they promote withdrawal symptoms, which result in reactions in the body.

Sounds very sci-fi, but these are the facts and it makes sense. You have to work to become an addict, at first when I started I could go hours, even days without (particularity as my parents didn't know at the time) now a few hours is toture.

The patches are helping - by maintain my nicotine levels I don't get physical withdrawals, but psychological withdrawals are difficult to deal with - and there is no patch for that.

This time though there is a change in me - the power of positive thought. Rather than feeling like I have lost something - I checked myself and I change that thought into something positive - like "I have saved £6 today" or "I have gained an extra hour from not smoking". This seems to be doing the trick and I know that if I can get to 6 months, and go to a festival where there are drinks flowing and people smoking everywhere, and not smoke then my very drunk friend better be telling me how very well I am doing!

The positive day 1

Apparently people who chose to stop smoking on a Wednesday are the most successful (true for diets as well...) and actually I found today quite an easy day - which makes a change as usually the first week or so are not my good days!

Positive Mental Attitude (PMA as my friends call it) is defiantly the way forward. I only had a craving once - when I was talking to one of my clients at work and she had a packet of menthols beside her, but when I went to get petrol I bought 2 packs of mentos sweets instead of cigs, couple of minutes later I felt right as rain.

It has now been over 20 hours since my last cigarette, which means that my blood pressure and pulse rate are normal, my circulation has improved and all carbon monoxide has been removed from my body :)

I just kept busy, worked, did my chores, floated around on the WWW and pretty much didn't think about cigs at all!

PMA seems to be making a difference: it's no longer if but when I've stopped. I am a non-smoker not an ex-smoker. I will succeed!

started coughing up shit already....nice!

Preperation is the Key to Success

So I managed a couple of weeks cutting down and using the patches, only really smoked when I was drinking tbh which went really well!

Just back from TITP, during the 5 days I smoked a carton of fags, which wasn't a lot given that I could smoke pretty much anywhere I wanted :D It was a great blow out, cider, fags, friends and some amazing music!!

So here I am, starting back at work tomorrow. So I have hoovered and febreezed the car (to discourage me) and have a small number of fags for today. Reminding myself of the reasons I wanna stop is important, money being one of the top ones at the min (£3.09 for 10 - I used to split a pack with my friends in high school - we'd chip in 75p each for 5!!).

But also there is a certain sense of personality shift for me. I am beginning a beautiful new career, am single and doing things I would never normally do (TITP is a huge example!). I am losing weight and taking control of my life through a forced positive mental attitude! I want to be a new, better me. And I believe that I can be that person, and that person doesn't need to rely on cigarettes for courage or stress relief or confidence. I know I have been down this road before, you guys have read the blogs, but I really do feel different this time - I feel ready, I want to be free.

So my preperation has been a combo of mental and physical tasks - I have pulled out some books I have been meaning to read, signed up for a million shifts at work, got my patches, cleaned the car and finally doing my blog. The return of Mr Nasty, of crazy Sarah (who becomes addicted to cream buns) and of the highs/lows and downright uglys of giving up an addiction are all coming up!

I hope you'll stick with me again!