4 week review

So I have been on the Champix for 6 weeks, and stopped on the19th of April, which makes this Thursday my 5 week anniversary! I went out on Saturday and started drinking about 2pm, think my first ciggie was around 9.30pm, and I never smoked more than 6(ish), and as far as I am concerned I am very happy and proud of myself!

Tomorrow I go to the smoking nurse, and I get to tell her how well I have done so she can give me the next 4 weeks worth. Then I'll have a 2 week wean off period following that, then that'll be me nicotine and champix free!

Its been tough, it is tough giving up cigarettes. It will be tough in the future; the next 4 weeks, the following 2, then the months and years to come. BUT I know that I have support and the willpower to do this.

The one niggling issue is my weight. I have expanded beyond reasonable proportions over the last fortnight. I'm also still having emotional meltdowns from time to time.

However; I figured I've probably saved around £160odd in the last month! £160 Not only is that amazing but also makes me quite sad, to think I was spending that!! And also, where the hell is it!! HAHA! Cause I think I put away about £10 and I ain't got no money left, oops!

So I've decided to kill two smoking vices with one stone. Today I bought myself a pole, as in a pole dance pole. All in all it cost just over £50 and it's going to help me get strong and thin :D

Model is not me! HAHAHAHA!

Cannot wait!

Not Smoking Rocks: Look at all the stuff I can buy!!

So I have had this NEXT voucher since my birthday in September and although I absolutely love NEXT I am a terrible for grudging money for stuff. £20 on a bag, $30 for jeans...no way! I'm not mean, but I would consider myself thrifty. I like going to charity shops for clothes, I have jeans from NEXT, GAP and even my Levi's all came from those shops. Vests, undies and socks etc I tend to go to Primark (although my increasing ethical awareness means that I may have to stop that soon). Point is I shop cheap when it comes to clothes.

Like I said its not always a money thing. Usually I love the in-styles. There is always some trend that I think I could harbour. Problem is usually that I haven't liked the way I looked for a long time, and although I am getting better (possibly as a combination of weight loss and pole dancing lessons!) at loving my body I still don't like the way I look in stuff. Possibly because I don't look like the women I see advertising the styles, buts that a whole other debate.

Shoes and handbags are two things I love, adore even. As a result, somewhat, of them always looking great no matter what size you are. Being on the Champix to quit smoking has been an emotional roller-coaster. I thought I was getting better...until I burst into tears at the dentist. I'm not even scared of the dentist...naturally nervous; this does not equate crying! Incidents like this naturally freak me out and get me down and I realised that recently I haven't been reminding myself of the good aspects of not smoking. I went to my beauty appointment - cost £29 for my nails and wax, and I figured thats less than my carton of cigarettes.

However, I have been getting my nails and...other things *ehm* seen to at the beauticians since before Christmas. I offered it alongside the cigarettes. So I dragged myself into the town and into the local NEXT. Alongside my birthday voucher and £35 - the exact amount of my carton of cigs - I bought:

THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren't they beautiful! So now I am on trend, on for summer and have a bright, beautiful and constant reminder of what I can achieve!!

day 9 of the 4 month pack...a little success

So this morning I popped day 9 of my first 4 week pack. I have started taking the tablets after my breakfast now, still feel sick, but no where near as sick. This is making a huge difference to my attitude I am truly feeling like I can manage this, for good, this time!

Just wanted to share a little success that I had last night. I went out with the sexy Stacey and Luscious Johanne, both of whom smoke. We had, dinner, drinks, and wee shot in the arcade (where I shot lots of bad men....very therapeutic!) and I never had a cigarette at all. I wasn't drinking, as I had the car and it wasn't that kind of night, but even so I genuinely did not once actually think I could really go a fag!

Little victories right :)) one day at a time...

1 week anniversary; some positive thoughts

So it has been a week since I officially stopped smoking and apart from the little dribble I had when on the lash on Saturday I have had no sneaky fags at all! In fact for the most part I have not even really been thinking about cigarettes.

I have, however, been a little emotionally strained on more than occasion. Work is particularly tough and I have been finding it a consensus difficulty to keep myself in check. I am definitely losing my temper quicker, getting frustrated faster and having less patience with others in general. For anyone who knows me fairly well...or have just met me...will probably be wondering how someone with no patience could lose some!

However, after a particularly stressful incident on Wednesday night I realised that I cannot go through the rest of my life blowing my top every time something irritates me. I am not saying that I will not still be me, and speak my mind, but its definitely time to get some checks on my mental state.

Of course, the psychological impact of the Champix cannot be ignored, but neither shall I let it be an excuse. So here is a list of reasons I have been happy this week because I haven't smoked.

1. I can literally say that I have saved about £40 this week already!

2. I don't get into my car and screw my nose up at the smell.

3. I didn't have to go outside in the rain today....at all!

4. I don't cough as much in the morning.

5. I don't smell :))

6. I don't worry about times!

So I have decided that if I stay off the fags for one whole month I am going to treat myself and buy a pole :)) Yaldi!!

As an individual, probably as a result of the nation I have been brought up in, congratulating myself is not something that I am particularly good at doing. Mistakes, struggles and difficulties feature heavily in my blog(s), take a glance at the dates alone in this blog and you'll prob be able to guess that this journey alone has had a few stumbling blocks.

Today, however, was a good day. I cannot express through words how much better the nausea has suddenly become. Don't get me wrong I still get a good 10-20mins in the morning, compared to 2-3 and physical vomiting, no competition really. That alone has definitely allowed me to obtain a much more positive mental attitude towards this attempt. Feeling sick every day is so emotionally draining and frustrating and upsetting. Having this reduced to something more manageable has given me a new push in the right direction. The nurse had said that if it didn't settle this week I would have to come back and they might have taken me off the drugs, so I am so happy all in all that this issues seems to have been resolved.

Sleeping has also improved, and (touch wood) I haven't had a nightmare for 4 nights! wooo!

And today, I realised about 3pm I hadn't thought about cigs that much. I was at training so it did mean I was kept fairly occupied. One of my major triggers is in the car. As soon as I am in the drivers seat, and on a straight bit of road, I light a cig. Regardless of how far I am going or when I had my last one.

Today...no problems. Didn't miss them, didn't think about them, even when I got stuck in traffic.

So today was a good day, and in a rebellious display of anti-britishness, I am going to shout about it.

1st Big Challenge...

Ok, this week has been a bit nitemaratic. The naseua from the pills has been particularly bad this time round, my sleeping patterns have been terrible and the nightmares pretty grafic. Last couple of days the naseua seems to have settled right down, for which I am eternally thankful, as I was getting to breaking point with that.

I've also been very emotional. As I live alone and I apparently have a stressful job (says the smoking nurse) so I am at higher risk of going a bit dowally on these pills. This week I have definantly been very easily upset (broke down over a dodgy internet connection, for example) and found myself gritting my teeth at my desk at work on more than one occassion.

Monday was day 8, and between Monday-Thursday I only had one or two cigarettes at night. Thursday and Friday and Saturday I never had any at all until I found myself at my gangs local haunt The Grosvener and had a few over the evening as I was drinking...heavily.

In fact only having 4 or 5 cigs over a night out is EXTREMELY good. So good in fact I do not feel in the slightest guilty about. I go back to the nurse in a month to see how I am getting on and I have a really good feedling about it all this time.

:))

Day 1 of quit attempt 473 :s

well today was day 1 - I have taken the horrible Champix pills for 9 days now and its been a bumpy ride. Between the intense morning sickness and the messed up dreams I have thought about coming off them more than once. But I have perceived and slept in more than once for work!

So today was the 1st day that I was not going to have a cigarette. I say not going to because I did have one after my dinner. I had a few left over and with me that is never a good thing. My mum takes comfort in knowing she has emergency fags stashed just in case, but I can't - if I have them then I will smoke them.

Today was...very, very difficult. I felt very angry, very sick and quite emotional. I was tired from a terrible sleep the night before and felt as though I thought about cigarettes the whole day. I also hurt, my lungs are sore because I can't stop coughing, understandably given they are trying to get rid of the 10 years of tar and chemicals I have shoved into them.

I held off all day, even when I got stuck in the regular hospital traffic on the way home. But after my dinner the cravings just got too strong so I caved.

Haven't had one since.

Determined to keep going!