The beginning of the end....The End?

Well chaps - you may be feeling that this blog and quit attempt has been light. Its not through lack of desire or change just that there hasn't been much to report.

I am still using the patches - and have an appointment next week at the doctors to go onto step 3 - I have NEVER got to step 3 before (never usually get past step 1!!).

But I am in a place just now, where I go 2, 3 even 4 days without thinking about cigarettes. Apart from when I am out drinking, which is the only time I indulge - and I am hoping that will disappear in time.

So I now turn my full and undivided attention to my other life challenges - weight loss and fitness gain! Stay tuned for another wonderful blog... and I will keep this updated when I reach major milestones - like step 3 - coming off the patches and of course the 1 year anniversary. But that's all folks, for now!

x

Nicotine withdrawl and PMT - a dangerous combination!

This has probably been the toughest week of my life!

As we move into week 6 I have had the most difficult time!

 Emotional wreck does not even begin to cover how I have been feeling this week!

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to------>







And I am not joking!



I have been overwhelmed this week. Like I have been hit by a brick wall of anxiety - not just with the fags, but weight loss, work commitments, being single.

I've been binge-ing and I had 1 cigarette - then I cried, was so disappointed in myself. People tell me not to worry - that I am working too hard, doing too much, taking on too many things...

but I can't help it - I am an all in or all out kinda gal!

but I am struggling, and not sure where to go from here...

1 month later... new (very good) reasons to stay stopped!

Well happy campers it's been 1 whole month since I made the personal decision to quite smoking. Aside from two smirting incidents I have not smoked!!

So its a month on - and they health gurus tell me that my circulation is beginning to improve as does my ability to well... breathe. This is something I am definitely seeing in the gym - remember how I joined the gym - well I have been going! Honest!

Getting into shape is going to be a tough, long, road. As I am panting and puffing (oxygen not fags) away at my classes I have to say in my head over and over again - you will enjoy this! you will enjoy this! Harder work than lighting a cigarette - but there is no buzz on the planet better than completing an hour of kettlebells and knowing how much pain you are going to be in come tomorrow!

HOWEVER..... I have also been dutifully informed that something else is meant to get better as circulation improves: 

 sex!!

Now I was aware - due to the subtly advertising on cigarette packets - that smoking affects men in that area: 
 
But the NHS have informed me that sex also improves for women - again because of improved circulation. Not only is arousal quicker - but orgasms are easier to achieve! Well - every little helps!!

This little inspirational piece of information is grand - but the problem when you get over the initial month is keeping up the motivation! I joined the gym, which is a huge reason not to go back to smoking - but here's another: MONEY!

My gym membership is costing 1 week of fag money.... which means i should still have £90 a month lying about doing nothing.... yet I don't!

OK OK so I may have impulse bought a ticket to Thailand the other day... which works out at a feeble 5 months fag money.... but yet I am finding myself watching the pennies closely. I spend a total of £10 last week (yes the whole week) on non-essentials but I just don't seem to have fag money left over, isn't it funny how as a smoker you always find the cash somewhere. If I am brutally honest I very much doubt I'd be going to Thailand this year if I was still smoking now!

But in order to keep the motivation levels high (esp as I am single and therefore unable to test the sex gets better in time theory properly) I am pledging to put £1 a day into my savings jar (from the 1st attempt!!)

OK so I would be spending 3 even 5 times this amount on fags... but its an achievable goal to start with. £1 a day in my jar even in the next month is £28-£30! That's another weeks worth of fags! I'll let you know if I stick to my new motivation! and stay off the ciggies!! 

Swapping one addiction for another...

So as my 3rd week with (almost) no cigarettes passes by I decided that it was time for another positive change. Having listened to my body and mind I have a real sense of accomplishment for this quit attempt, to tell you the truth I cannot believe, for the most part, how easy it has been this time.

I think the reason is because this attempt is for me - not for a bf, or friends, or family, or for a single reason like a health scare or finances. All of these are perfectly valid reasons - but on their own its not enough and when you have to overcome an addiction, other people are not worth it.

Harsh maybe, but that is the way that you think as an addict -  or as a human being. We resent people who make us give something up - be it free time, a choice... whatever! Sometimes the resentment is fleeting, other times it can become deep rooted. Addiction tends to come under the latter.

But this week - to mark my 3rd week of being a non-smoker and smirter (smoking and flirt-er - see previous blog for details) I did something that was purely for me - I swapped one addiction for another - and joined the gym!

Now - the cartoon illustrates my feelings about a gym - and yet I have sold my soul for 1 solid year. But here's the thing - my last proper quit attempt was about 2 years ago and I lived near a sports centre at the time - whenever I had an urge I would head to there and blast off 30 mins of cardio or do a class whatever and the feeling would go away.

Today I am not super close to the gym - but I am addicted to kettlebells and a hungover zumba session on a sunday is too good an opportunity to miss. My gym membership is going to cost £36.50 a month - sounds a lot - but here is the clincher - I'd spend that on fags - a week!!!

So for 1/4 of the money I am going to look and feel amazing - don't get me wrong it's a tough world and it's going to take me a lot longer and a lot more effort to belong to this group ----->







<------ rather than this group!




but I know which side of the fence I would rather be on... because I don't want to end up in this group:

Screwdrivers, Stilettos and Smirting!

Well, here it is - the one thing that all quitting smokers dread - the night out!

As one of my friends (known as a social smoker - i.e. only smokes when she drinks) says: alcohol and cigarettes, it's like fish and chips!

I hadn't been out with this particular friends in ages and since we had worked together all week I ended up with an invitation to a friend of this friends birthday night out...

Having only been off the cigarettes for two and a bit weeks I knew that this would be a problem. In fact, its the thought of nights out that are one of the reasons why I usually end up back on them. I figure I am going to smoke anyway, may as well start 4 days early :)

This time however the thought of having a fag beforehand never crossed my mind. My friend calls it smirting - smoking and flirting! and I like it!

I smoked on the night out, maybe 4 or 5 fags overall. The next day my hangover was awful (helped along somewhat by the french martinis that we had!! never again BTW!) and I didn't smoke. I don't really smoke with a hangover anyway - good excuse to be drunk more often I suppose.

But today (Monday) I put a patch on and haven't really been bothered at all. The mental difference is acute at times like this, when you realise that something has significantly changed inside you. Perception has shifted and this is not a phase. Some of my long term friends roll their eyes when I say I have stopped, one of friends tends to ask: are you on or aff them the now, before she has one!

So for the time being maybe the term ex-smoker isn't true, but a smirter... I could live with that!