Smoking is No Longer Cool

So day 1 of attempt 415 and I actually feel ok. Stuck my patch on this morning then was struck by an instant slide show of up and coming events that I would usually smoke at. This was swiftly followed by the feeling of panic that all smokers get (like when they run out of cigarettes at 2am???).

This panic is an interesting sensation, one which a non-smoker cannot understand. Its momentary loss of all things logic, the 55 other things that were plaguing you that day melt away and all you can think about is when, how and where you can access more cigarettes. Its a result of one thing and one thing only: your addiction.

The brain (which is the part of your body which is addicted) when informed of the fact that it does not know where it's next hit is coming from, tells your body to FREAK OUT! Your breathing shallows, heart starts to race, you may even break out in a cold sweat. Your brain panics and your body follows... its a chemical reaction caused by a psychological dependence on nicotine.

My patches obviously help, because they supply my brain with nicotine over the course of the day. Yet this morning I still panicked. I struggled to see myself at the pub, at a concert, shopping with my Mum (a smoker) or at a festival, without a cigarette. I even lifted a lighter and told myself that maybe the next couple of weeks isn't a good time to stop.

But as I headed to the shop I spoke, out loud, to myself. I said "Sarah, why don't we just see if we can get through this moment. If you still want to smoke later on that's fine, but lets just see if we can overcome this panic". And I did, in fact I felt so much better I didn't have a cigarette, for the whole day.

Maybe it's because I told my brain that it did not need to panic for I was going to let it smoke later if it wanted. Or maybe it was simply the magical force known as "willpower" - which according to the NHS is like a muscle and needs strengthening (BS if you ask me). For whatever the reason I got through the day, which means I can get through tomorrow. I am not going to sweat over the small stuff.

Besides I was dutifully informed by an old friend today that "Smoking is No Longer Cool".

Actually Cannot Breathe!

I went out on Sunday - and I smoked like an absolute chimney - 20 fags like that!

When I am hungover I don't smoke, only had 2 cigges yesterday to compliment the hangover (and shaming) of the year. But this morning, when my body obviously decided that I could handle the pressure, I coughed so hard that stuff came out of my lungs... stuff!

I can barely breathe today... and do you know what none of my friends that I was out with smoked... none! I am a dying breed, quite literally - it hit me like a ton of bricks this morning... I am killing myself and my body is trying to stop me!

So here we go again.... quit attempt number 415 and new years resolution number 2 - to quit smoking!