So after only being off the cigarettes for a few days I had a night out on hand. Extremely excited and also very nervous - I didn't want to let anyone down.
But I did smoke.
But I don't feel like a failure.
You see the thing is that this time the people around me are reacting very differently then in previous quit attempts. I am not being constantly asked how I am feeling, or how I am getting on. I don't miss it this time - actually I find it's easier without the constant reminder.
I was a bit disappointed with myself for smoking - but my best friend (a social smoker herself) made me realise that I didn't fail. That sometimes the people around you can make you feel like a failure when you slip up, simply because they are desperate to see you succeed.
The difference is remembering that I am not doing this for anybody else - this is most definitely for me. It's about escaping the habit - it's about being in control of my life, not the other way round.
The next day - stuck a patch on and I honestly have even hardly thought about cigarettes since. When I went to the pharmacy for my weekly check up, my CO2 level (which was 6 last week) is down to 2 - that of a non-smoker :D
The morning after the night before never felt so good - despite nearly throwing up on the bus home, might have to blame the vodka for that!
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