Day 3 - The journey

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping”
- Chinese proverb

So I am on day 3 on my final quit attempt. And I don't mean final in that is I fail I am never trying again - I mean final because I am going to quit for good.

I am using the patches again - but importantly I have a different frame of mind this time. I actually managed to finish the Allen Carr EASYWAY to stop smoking book. I have had it for years, gifted to me on my 20th birthday and have read it - almost to the end - about six times. The thing is I could never finish it, probably because I was meant to stop smoking when I did!

This time I did finish it and at the time unfortunately it wasn't like a light bulb went on in my head. I began to think I didn't understand something, that maybe I was different and this wasn't going to work on me. However, when I began to think about it I realised that the aim of the book is not for the last sentence to suddenly make all the difference - it's just getting to the last sentence - if you get to end then you realise that you really want to stop.

It's the fear of stopping is what holds almost all smokers back - me included - the fear that nothing will ever be the same, that no social occasion will ever be complete without a cigarette and that for the rest of our lives we will find ourselves having the occasionally craving or pining for a fag.

What the book taught me most of all was that the empty feeling that I get, the one that holds me back from stopping smoking, is created by nicotine addiction. When you stop craving nicotine - physically AND mentally - then this feeling disappears and is replaced with a new one - pure enjoyment!

I have a very good friend (she will know who she is if she reads this) who probably has one of the most enviable social life's ever! This women is absolutely stunning, both inside and out, and every Sunday night or Monday morning she will have a facebook status which will some sort of variation on "What a Brilliant Weekend - Blazin!". She works hard, has amazing values and is one of the few people in my life I care very deeply about. She doesn't smoke!

I have realised that a good night is had by all (especially with the crazy mob I go out on the tiles with), but probably more so by non-smokers, who longer have to breathe in all our second hand smoke in the pub, but also don't have to stand outside, on the street, (usually pished), freezing cold, to have a fag.

Now, I have a night out on Saturday and I am not for one minute saying that there is no way I am going to smoke. You might find this a negative attitude to have before the event but I have to disagree. Previously I would argue that seen as I am going out on Saturday night, and I KNOW I am going to smoke because I am drinking then it's no big deal if I have the odd cigarette in the WEEK leading up to the night. Previously I would buy the packet during the day and normally I would smoke as usual all that day, night and probably the next day when I have a hangover as well.

I am not saying I will be able to not smoke on Saturday because I have identified that nights out are my most vulnerable place. But I can tell you that I will not smoke this week just because I have a night out. I will not buy a packet until I actually need to (or I'll just mooch off my other very very bestest friend - she definitely knows who she is haha). I will not smoke during the day and I will not smoke the day after.

Like the Chinese proverb says - a journey is made up of steps and we can only take one step at a time. The important point is that we must keep stepping - if we stop the journey is over. So I am being positive and I know that I will make it through this week. If I have a rest stop on Saturday night from my non-smoking journey, then fine, so long as I don't stop altogether and remember to keep on stepping.