Friday the 27th and Saturday the 28th were day 5 and day 6 respectively.I am suffering the dreaded itchy fingers!
I have up until this point been fairly upbeat about the whole stop smoking thing. People are behind me, I have never heard my parents say that they were proud of me so many times in such a short space of time and generally I felt pretty good about the whole deal. But the last couple of days I have been....
agitated... is probably the nicest way to say it..
Pissed off... is probably closer to the truth
Its really difficult to explain how it feels to come off of cigarettes and even if your an ex smoker you know every smoker is different. The people who say "I just stopped, cold turkey, didn't even think about it and it never bothered me", I don't feel happy for them or think that it's great, I want to chop of their heads and stick them on a spike with a sign hanging off their necks which reads; "shouldn't have rubbed it in, should ya?"
I am using patches, as you all know, and this means that I am on a controlled dosage of nicotine which is administered into my system through a patch on the skin. I am actually on the step 2 of the three step plan because I wasn't considered a heavy enough smoker to need step 1. I didn't get up in the middle of the night to smoke and it wasn't the first thing I would do in the morning, so my level of actual addiction was fairly low. What my problem came down to was habit. Pure and simple habit. I may not smoke first thing in the morning but the one after my dinner at night and the one I had before I went to bed were equally important to me. Giving this information you would think that the doctor would have not given me the nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) designed for people with strong addictions but maybe the NRT patch company had donated 200 extra pens that week and he had a moral obligation to "scratch their back".
So my agitation isn't, or shouldn't, be me craving for nicotine, because I am getting it, the same amount I was getting day 1,2,3 and 4. I don't know if its starting to study for my research methods chapter of my dissertation, a task that is slowly going to cause a mental breakdown. I don't know if it's being back at work on my usual shifts or cabin fever or boredom... but something is making me agitated.
Difficult to say wither or not I would have been agitated whilst still smoking or not... obviously I am not going to test that theory. Don't get me wrong I didn't have an urge to go and buy a packet but I can feel myself getting worked up over stupid things and I know the signs.
So I washed the car and tidied my room and signed an extra shift at work and ordered some make up on line (I actually had money in the bank even though its been over a week since payday!) and tried to keep my mind off of my annoyance. It worked, I still haven't smoked and soon I'll be blogging about the milestone that I very often never get to: DAY 7!
Sunday, 29 August 2010
Friday, 27 August 2010
Day 4 – Time to say Thank You
I think it is time to say thank you. I didn't really expect anyone to follow my blog but not only are people reading it and following it but apparently you all think it's pretty good! So I am dedicating my day 4 blog to you all, because you deserve a big thank you for all your wonderful support and because nothing of particular interest happened today which I could stretch to a couple hundred words :)
Don't get me wrong I would have been very surprised if you didn't give me support and encouragement to chuck cigarettes. What I didn't expect however is the sheer volume of support; from my closest friends and family to people I haven't seen or spoke to in years. You are all giving me words of advice and I want you all to know that it does help. It makes me smile when people appreciate my blog and wish me luck, and it makes me all the more determined to keep going!
There are, of course, a few particular people that deserve a sentence or two for their outstanding contributions to my quit attempt. First of all my parents, who have of course nagged me from day 1 of my smoking career to stop. Its probably the only thing they have urged me to quit! I didn't make a big deal out of quit day, no brass band parading round the house whilst a professional town-crier declares "TODAY'S THE DAY!". No, No, none of that. I even left half a packet of fags and a lighter in the kitchen in my usual spot. I just woke up, stuck on a patch and stopped. No pressure on me to succeed or fail.
For their own part my parents stayed pretty quiet about the whole thing and allowed me to get through the hell of the first couple of days alone. Then my Dad saw me drawing Mr Nasty and I told him about the blog... put it this way; I have been trying for the last 23 years to make my Dad proud, hearing him tell me how proud he was of me, well.... melt!
My Mum, who also told me how proud she was, showed me through a systematic cleaning of my jackets, material bags, scarfs etc. things that don't get cleaned all the time. Going out to work with a fleece smelling of a summer breeze is lovely I have to admit. I could never really smell smoke off my clothes before but I can notice the subtle undertones of crushed silk and jasmine a mile away now! Thanks Mum.
Finally, a special thank you for the poor man who bears the brunt of my quit attempts. The man who I have been promising to quit to for 2 years and 11 months. The man who I have lied to about quitting when I hadn't. The man who I resented in previous attempts because HE was the one MAKING me stop. My poor boyfriend!
My long suffering boyfriend has been a huge part of my motivation to give up smoking, simply because he has always hated it. One day we were watching four wedding (I am actually addicted) and we were discussing our wedding (we are not yet engaged, his fault not mine) and he suggested a ceremony called 'hand-fasting'. I googled it and knew I wanted to be with him forever for sure...ahhh.
But in true female fashion I decided one day to ask: "before we got married, if you could change one thing about me... what would it be?". I eagerly waited for the rapid clanging of alarm bells and right flashes illuminating the backs of eyeballs as his brain screamed "ENGH!!ENGH!!!DANGER!!!DANGER!!!"
Nothing...nada... he didn't even blink. "I'd make you a non smoker."
WHAT!?!?!? Out of aaaalllll the things you could change (my temper, my nagging, my habit of opening my mouth without thinking, my ridiculously high standards, my over analytical nature.... you get the picture) you choose smoking?
Then I thought about it, and it dawned on me. To say that my boyfriend hates smoking is a understatement of gargantuan proportions. He utterly detests it! Is completly repulsed by it! Would be the first thing he would ban as president of the world hates it!
For 2 years and 11 months my boyfriend has had to put up with licking an ashtray every time we kiss. Put up with the smell when we're in the bed. Wait on his own in ques, the cinema, shops, restaurants, clubs, pubs whilst I nip outside. He has put up with the one thing he cannot stand above all else...because he loves me.
What a TWAT!
Only kidding. So my lovely boyfriend (future husband to be once you get your finger out and bloody ask) I save the biggest thanks for you. For putting up with me and my selfish habit for 2 years and 11 months I promise that as we celebrate our 3 year anniversary I will not leave you alone in the restaurant and I will not ask that you kiss me when I taste so bad (unless I have fish at dinner!?) because for your anniversary gift this year I am making your 'one thing to change' wish come true..
Don't get me wrong I would have been very surprised if you didn't give me support and encouragement to chuck cigarettes. What I didn't expect however is the sheer volume of support; from my closest friends and family to people I haven't seen or spoke to in years. You are all giving me words of advice and I want you all to know that it does help. It makes me smile when people appreciate my blog and wish me luck, and it makes me all the more determined to keep going!
There are, of course, a few particular people that deserve a sentence or two for their outstanding contributions to my quit attempt. First of all my parents, who have of course nagged me from day 1 of my smoking career to stop. Its probably the only thing they have urged me to quit! I didn't make a big deal out of quit day, no brass band parading round the house whilst a professional town-crier declares "TODAY'S THE DAY!". No, No, none of that. I even left half a packet of fags and a lighter in the kitchen in my usual spot. I just woke up, stuck on a patch and stopped. No pressure on me to succeed or fail.
For their own part my parents stayed pretty quiet about the whole thing and allowed me to get through the hell of the first couple of days alone. Then my Dad saw me drawing Mr Nasty and I told him about the blog... put it this way; I have been trying for the last 23 years to make my Dad proud, hearing him tell me how proud he was of me, well.... melt!
My Mum, who also told me how proud she was, showed me through a systematic cleaning of my jackets, material bags, scarfs etc. things that don't get cleaned all the time. Going out to work with a fleece smelling of a summer breeze is lovely I have to admit. I could never really smell smoke off my clothes before but I can notice the subtle undertones of crushed silk and jasmine a mile away now! Thanks Mum.
Finally, a special thank you for the poor man who bears the brunt of my quit attempts. The man who I have been promising to quit to for 2 years and 11 months. The man who I have lied to about quitting when I hadn't. The man who I resented in previous attempts because HE was the one MAKING me stop. My poor boyfriend!
My long suffering boyfriend has been a huge part of my motivation to give up smoking, simply because he has always hated it. One day we were watching four wedding (I am actually addicted) and we were discussing our wedding (we are not yet engaged, his fault not mine) and he suggested a ceremony called 'hand-fasting'. I googled it and knew I wanted to be with him forever for sure...ahhh.
But in true female fashion I decided one day to ask: "before we got married, if you could change one thing about me... what would it be?". I eagerly waited for the rapid clanging of alarm bells and right flashes illuminating the backs of eyeballs as his brain screamed "ENGH!!ENGH!!!DANGER!!!DANGER!!!"
Nothing...nada... he didn't even blink. "I'd make you a non smoker."
WHAT!?!?!? Out of aaaalllll the things you could change (my temper, my nagging, my habit of opening my mouth without thinking, my ridiculously high standards, my over analytical nature.... you get the picture) you choose smoking?
Then I thought about it, and it dawned on me. To say that my boyfriend hates smoking is a understatement of gargantuan proportions. He utterly detests it! Is completly repulsed by it! Would be the first thing he would ban as president of the world hates it!
For 2 years and 11 months my boyfriend has had to put up with licking an ashtray every time we kiss. Put up with the smell when we're in the bed. Wait on his own in ques, the cinema, shops, restaurants, clubs, pubs whilst I nip outside. He has put up with the one thing he cannot stand above all else...because he loves me.
What a TWAT!
Only kidding. So my lovely boyfriend (future husband to be once you get your finger out and bloody ask) I save the biggest thanks for you. For putting up with me and my selfish habit for 2 years and 11 months I promise that as we celebrate our 3 year anniversary I will not leave you alone in the restaurant and I will not ask that you kiss me when I taste so bad (unless I have fish at dinner!?) because for your anniversary gift this year I am making your 'one thing to change' wish come true..
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Day 3 - Cigarettes lower your appetite don't ya know?
Keeping Mr Nasty in mind I began Day 3 with a renewed vigor and overall it was was going well. I went to work in the morning and everything was fine. I was pleasant and happy and to be honest I didn't really think about cigarettes at all. Then I went to my weightwise class.....
To be fair I haven't been weighed in 3 weeks... and over the course of those 3 weeks I had a holiday which involved a lot of late night eating, snacks, cider and general alcoholic beverages. When I came back from holiday I chucked the cigarettes and as the first couple of days are the hardest I felt it was my duty to ensure that I ate whatever I wanted, if it meant I didn't smoke.
But 8lbs!!! Come on people!? How the hell do you put 8lbs on in 3 weeks!?!?!?! This is a disaster!
Mr Nasty found the perfect opportunity to start whispering sweet nothings in my ear...
"you know if you smoked you would lose weight"...
"its the cigarettes which keep your appetite low"...
"you worked so hard to lose that stone, look whats happened now you've given up".
If it wasn't for my Mr Nasty image in my head I would have legged it to the nearest shop and bought a packet there and then.
But I didn't, instead I talked about my concerns to Michelle, my weight-wise counselor and she helped me to refocus my thinking. At the end of the day if I lost it once I could lose it again and probably faster because I'll be able to do more exercise. My lungs will actually be able to pump oxygen around my body properly allowing me to burn more calories and get fitter, quicker.
I kept that in mind as I got a cut and blow dry at my local hairdressers with the money I had saved so far on cigarettes and when I picked up my boyfriend to go the pictures that night.
When he looked at me and said I looked lovely I felt good, but when he kissed me and said that I tasted great I felt amazing!
To be fair I haven't been weighed in 3 weeks... and over the course of those 3 weeks I had a holiday which involved a lot of late night eating, snacks, cider and general alcoholic beverages. When I came back from holiday I chucked the cigarettes and as the first couple of days are the hardest I felt it was my duty to ensure that I ate whatever I wanted, if it meant I didn't smoke.
But 8lbs!!! Come on people!? How the hell do you put 8lbs on in 3 weeks!?!?!?! This is a disaster!
Mr Nasty found the perfect opportunity to start whispering sweet nothings in my ear...
"you know if you smoked you would lose weight"...
"its the cigarettes which keep your appetite low"...
"you worked so hard to lose that stone, look whats happened now you've given up".
If it wasn't for my Mr Nasty image in my head I would have legged it to the nearest shop and bought a packet there and then.
But I didn't, instead I talked about my concerns to Michelle, my weight-wise counselor and she helped me to refocus my thinking. At the end of the day if I lost it once I could lose it again and probably faster because I'll be able to do more exercise. My lungs will actually be able to pump oxygen around my body properly allowing me to burn more calories and get fitter, quicker.
I kept that in mind as I got a cut and blow dry at my local hairdressers with the money I had saved so far on cigarettes and when I picked up my boyfriend to go the pictures that night.
When he looked at me and said I looked lovely I felt good, but when he kissed me and said that I tasted great I felt amazing!
Day 2 - Meet Mr Nasty
(This Blog update is actually late! It should be Wednesday 15th August 2010)
So day 1 is over and I wake up on day 2 with a sense of relief. Don't get me wrong I know that there are going to be many battles to come, but in a small way I feel a sense of victory having overcome the dreaded day 1. You see once you are a few days down the line its harder to justify a sneaky cigarette. Day 1 you argue "uch it's only the first day, no big deal if I have one or two, I'm only just quitting...." Once you at day 5,6,7 then its harder to convince yourself that it is OK.
Convince yourself? Hmmm....I was deliberating this thought when I realized that I needed a new way of thinking about this battle. An idea I kinda stole from Alan Carrs' Easy Way to Stop Smoking; a fantastic book which I am reading in conjunction with the patches. I have never been a believer in positive reinforcement or tricking the brain into thinking something different.... until I seen my boyfriend performing some of the most outrageous moves whilst under the control of a hypnotist at Santa Ponsa. Very Very funny! I gave the book a real chance and it did have a lasting change in the way I thought about smoking just never really made me stop.
Anyway Mr Carr talks about his addiction in terms of a cigarette monster. A little monster which lives in your brain and is the reason why you are craving cigarettes. When you stop smoking this little monster starves and in turn makes you feel bad so that you want to smoke.
So I have decided to embrace this way of thinking and I think that it is going well. I have named my little monster Mr Nasty and even drawn you a picture of how I think he would look like.
My artistic skills may not be up to much but as you get the basic picture! Now instead of having arguments with myself in my head I argue with Mr Nasty and I am finding that it much easier to say no to him than to myself.
Mr Nasty lives in my tummy (now before you all start I know cigarette cravings are in the brain but the idea of something living in a space where there is barely room for one was a little far fetched don't ya think!?). So Mr Nasty lives in my tummy and he is made up of all that black, thick, disgusting gunk that accumulates in your lungs when you smoke. You know the stuff in the jar they show you at school which everyone goes "EUGH!" at then skip outside for their 'playtime' cigarette. Its a mixture of tar and phlegm and poison that are in cigarettes... and Mr Nasty stinks too! He smells like a thousand ashtrays all mixed in with years of stale smoke and sewage. His breathe smells like he's smoked 8 years of cigarettes at once and he never has any money ever! His skin is dull and he has no hair... he is revolting! He is my cigarette monster...He is the one who says "just have one" "no one will know" "you don't really want to give up anyway do you?". Now instead of my voice saying those things I hear a thick, gravelly voice which is harsh and breathless.
Its hard to say no to yourself. Saying no to Mr Nasty is particularly easy. I think about him and I feel sick and I know that the only way to get Mr Nasty out of my tummy for good is to stay off of the cigarettes! Keeping this thought in my head... Day 2 seems to fly by!
So day 1 is over and I wake up on day 2 with a sense of relief. Don't get me wrong I know that there are going to be many battles to come, but in a small way I feel a sense of victory having overcome the dreaded day 1. You see once you are a few days down the line its harder to justify a sneaky cigarette. Day 1 you argue "uch it's only the first day, no big deal if I have one or two, I'm only just quitting...." Once you at day 5,6,7 then its harder to convince yourself that it is OK.
Convince yourself? Hmmm....I was deliberating this thought when I realized that I needed a new way of thinking about this battle. An idea I kinda stole from Alan Carrs' Easy Way to Stop Smoking; a fantastic book which I am reading in conjunction with the patches. I have never been a believer in positive reinforcement or tricking the brain into thinking something different.... until I seen my boyfriend performing some of the most outrageous moves whilst under the control of a hypnotist at Santa Ponsa. Very Very funny! I gave the book a real chance and it did have a lasting change in the way I thought about smoking just never really made me stop.
Anyway Mr Carr talks about his addiction in terms of a cigarette monster. A little monster which lives in your brain and is the reason why you are craving cigarettes. When you stop smoking this little monster starves and in turn makes you feel bad so that you want to smoke.
So I have decided to embrace this way of thinking and I think that it is going well. I have named my little monster Mr Nasty and even drawn you a picture of how I think he would look like.
My artistic skills may not be up to much but as you get the basic picture! Now instead of having arguments with myself in my head I argue with Mr Nasty and I am finding that it much easier to say no to him than to myself.
Mr Nasty lives in my tummy (now before you all start I know cigarette cravings are in the brain but the idea of something living in a space where there is barely room for one was a little far fetched don't ya think!?). So Mr Nasty lives in my tummy and he is made up of all that black, thick, disgusting gunk that accumulates in your lungs when you smoke. You know the stuff in the jar they show you at school which everyone goes "EUGH!" at then skip outside for their 'playtime' cigarette. Its a mixture of tar and phlegm and poison that are in cigarettes... and Mr Nasty stinks too! He smells like a thousand ashtrays all mixed in with years of stale smoke and sewage. His breathe smells like he's smoked 8 years of cigarettes at once and he never has any money ever! His skin is dull and he has no hair... he is revolting! He is my cigarette monster...He is the one who says "just have one" "no one will know" "you don't really want to give up anyway do you?". Now instead of my voice saying those things I hear a thick, gravelly voice which is harsh and breathless.
Its hard to say no to yourself. Saying no to Mr Nasty is particularly easy. I think about him and I feel sick and I know that the only way to get Mr Nasty out of my tummy for good is to stay off of the cigarettes! Keeping this thought in my head... Day 2 seems to fly by!
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Day 1! Motivation Motivation Motivation
So day 1...
day 1..
d.a.y. 1 eh?
I've been told that Day 1 is meant to be the easiest. It's the day when you are full of confidence, full of motivation, full of desire and positive thinking to kick this filthy, disgusting habit for good.
I hate Day 1!
Day 1 for me is one of the hardest days! If someone could live in my head for the day I would probably be diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic by night time. I argue back and forth with myself all day, the conversation goes a little like this:
Me; "Right Sarah This is It! This time I am chucking the habit for good! I am going to be fit and healthy and smell lovely! WooHoo!"
Me; "The only thing is... I don't know if I really want to do this... I mean am I doing this because my friends and family think I should?"
Me; "Don't be silly, of course I want to do this... most of your friends smoke anyway so they aren't telling you to stop"
Me;"I just don't feel right without a fag... It's part of who I am; Sarah, white, 23, female, smoker"
Me;"Yeah but now I can be Sarah, white, 23, female, ex-smoker, fit, slim, smells lovely!"
Me;"Yeah I suppose... but I don't want to be all pissy and moapy all the time... I could just go buy a pack, I am at work anyway, no one would know, I just need one, I could just have one..."
Me; "No! We are doing it this time! No-one wants to see a graduate puffing in the corner, a social worker coming in stinking of smoke, a beautiful bride hiding round the back of the church, or a pregnant women smoking before she goes into the labour ward... I don't want this anymore!!"
Me; "but...."
And on and on I go...
I am using patches for this quit attempt. I was actually meant to stop at the beginning of the summer and was taking Champix (the new anti-smoking prescription drug) for the second time in my smoking career. The first time I used Champix I stopped for almost 8 months so I was hopeful about stopping for good with it this time. However, when I used Champix the last time I did have two out of the 490 possible side effects: insomnia and nausea. Having brought this up with my Doctor I was prescribed a lower dose of the drug this time around.. I felt great, no sickness and I was sleeping fine... in fact I was two days away from my stop date when one night I developed sever pain in and around my left eyeball. Putting it down to a migraine I took some painkillers and went to bed. The next day; no headache.... mega eye pain.
I went to my Doctor the same day and had a thorough eye test, ruling out swelling, eye strain or foreign body. Champix was deemed the culprit and I was quickly taken off the drug.
It was a major blow I was all siked up for stopping and with a girlie holiday in Gran Canaria looming with the promise of sun and alcohol a plenty I felt that I had missed my chance! Patches never worked in the past and I felt really pessimistic about my chances.
What changed? My mind set... don't get me wrong I smoked happily in Gran Canaria and never regretted not stopping whilst I was there but it was when I had to try and time my final cigarette as close to the planes scheduled departure as possible that I knew enough was enough. Being on holiday is one thing but back at home I didn't have any more excuses. Sure patches never worked in the past but I also started smoking again after the Champix. I felt sure the Champix would work this time so why not the patches. I realised the difference was me, not the tool, so I decided to give the patches a proper go.
Day 1 was hard... the two sides of my personality fighting amongst themselves throughout the day but work was a grateful distraction and I also ate my body weight in cream cakes... justifiable so, I thought.
That evening at home I found myself at my computer and that's when I had my blog idea, so I set that up and was feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. I then decided to reward myself for getting through the most difficult part of my personal stop smoking journey... day 1.
two hours later I was finishing my blog having had a deep root conditioning treatment, full body scrub, foot massage and pedicure, manicure and fake tan... all from the comfort of my own home. I felt like a new person... Sarah, 24, female, white, ex-smoker....and bloody gorgeous!
day 1..
d.a.y. 1 eh?
I've been told that Day 1 is meant to be the easiest. It's the day when you are full of confidence, full of motivation, full of desire and positive thinking to kick this filthy, disgusting habit for good.
I hate Day 1!
Day 1 for me is one of the hardest days! If someone could live in my head for the day I would probably be diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic by night time. I argue back and forth with myself all day, the conversation goes a little like this:
Me; "Right Sarah This is It! This time I am chucking the habit for good! I am going to be fit and healthy and smell lovely! WooHoo!"
Me; "The only thing is... I don't know if I really want to do this... I mean am I doing this because my friends and family think I should?"
Me; "Don't be silly, of course I want to do this... most of your friends smoke anyway so they aren't telling you to stop"
Me;"I just don't feel right without a fag... It's part of who I am; Sarah, white, 23, female, smoker"
Me;"Yeah but now I can be Sarah, white, 23, female, ex-smoker, fit, slim, smells lovely!"
Me;"Yeah I suppose... but I don't want to be all pissy and moapy all the time... I could just go buy a pack, I am at work anyway, no one would know, I just need one, I could just have one..."
Me; "No! We are doing it this time! No-one wants to see a graduate puffing in the corner, a social worker coming in stinking of smoke, a beautiful bride hiding round the back of the church, or a pregnant women smoking before she goes into the labour ward... I don't want this anymore!!"
Me; "but...."
And on and on I go...
I am using patches for this quit attempt. I was actually meant to stop at the beginning of the summer and was taking Champix (the new anti-smoking prescription drug) for the second time in my smoking career. The first time I used Champix I stopped for almost 8 months so I was hopeful about stopping for good with it this time. However, when I used Champix the last time I did have two out of the 490 possible side effects: insomnia and nausea. Having brought this up with my Doctor I was prescribed a lower dose of the drug this time around.. I felt great, no sickness and I was sleeping fine... in fact I was two days away from my stop date when one night I developed sever pain in and around my left eyeball. Putting it down to a migraine I took some painkillers and went to bed. The next day; no headache.... mega eye pain.
I went to my Doctor the same day and had a thorough eye test, ruling out swelling, eye strain or foreign body. Champix was deemed the culprit and I was quickly taken off the drug.
It was a major blow I was all siked up for stopping and with a girlie holiday in Gran Canaria looming with the promise of sun and alcohol a plenty I felt that I had missed my chance! Patches never worked in the past and I felt really pessimistic about my chances.
What changed? My mind set... don't get me wrong I smoked happily in Gran Canaria and never regretted not stopping whilst I was there but it was when I had to try and time my final cigarette as close to the planes scheduled departure as possible that I knew enough was enough. Being on holiday is one thing but back at home I didn't have any more excuses. Sure patches never worked in the past but I also started smoking again after the Champix. I felt sure the Champix would work this time so why not the patches. I realised the difference was me, not the tool, so I decided to give the patches a proper go.
Day 1 was hard... the two sides of my personality fighting amongst themselves throughout the day but work was a grateful distraction and I also ate my body weight in cream cakes... justifiable so, I thought.
That evening at home I found myself at my computer and that's when I had my blog idea, so I set that up and was feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. I then decided to reward myself for getting through the most difficult part of my personal stop smoking journey... day 1.
two hours later I was finishing my blog having had a deep root conditioning treatment, full body scrub, foot massage and pedicure, manicure and fake tan... all from the comfort of my own home. I felt like a new person... Sarah, 24, female, white, ex-smoker....and bloody gorgeous!
Polly - My Best Friend
Polly was there for better and for worse, in sickness and in health. Polly was there when boyfriends left or I left boyfriends, Polly was there when I failed my first driving test and passed the second. Polly was there when I had a pregnancy scare, at every birthday since I was 17, when I graduated high school and university. Polly was there when no one else was.
Polly sounds like a wonderful friend.... replace Polly with Cigarettes.....
There is a very funny quote which says: "giving up cigarettes is easy, I've quit hundreds of times".
It increases the risk of cancer, of heart problems, it means you can't be fit, it makes you smell, it takes all your money and most of the time you hate it. Yet quitting cigarettes is the most difficult thing I have ever done. And I haven't even succeed yet.
I don't know if anyone will read this blog, but that's not really the point anyway. This is quit attempt 457 (just kidding but it feels like it) and this time I am determined to get off of cigarettes for good! I knew that I needed to do something different, something that I could focus on that would keep my hands busy, but at the same time I needed to talk about how I was feeling. I can't knit or sew and baking is out of the question because I want to avoid comfort eating everything in sight. So I decided to start a blog. Why not? Seems the whole world is online, I hope that it will serve as an cyber diary where I can offload how I feel without the embarrassment of having my mum find it in my knicker drawer (been there, done that, not pretty!)
So I suppose I should give you some information about myself, just incase you are reading it!?
My name is Sarah and I am 23 years old. I first tried cigarettes when I was 13 as an attempt to get the "cool" kids in school to be my friends (a behaviour heavily attributed to being bullied at primary school). That was until my Mum caught me stealing fags out her packet and I got a good hiding plus was grounded for like a year!!
Never touched them after that, in fact I joined the school hockey team, everything was fine, until I turned 16. Suddenly I found myself hanging with my friends at the park at the weekend (I know I know please don't judge me!) and we were buying alcohol and somehow I started smoking again. When I got caught this time I had the law on my side, all my Mum said was that if I wanted to smoke I had to get a Saturday job, so I did.
Fast forward 7 years; after failures and successes, falling in love and quickly back out of it, getting into uni, meeting new friends, losing old friends, moving out of home, moving back home, I find myself in a funny world of contentment. Having been with my boyfriend (and Mr. Right I may add) for almost 3 years and finally shifting some weight I realised that my life was good. I have a great relationship with my parents (who I still live with by the way) and younger brother, I am doing well in my Masters course in Social Work so the career ambitions are going well, I have a part time job I love and a great group of friends. The only thing I hated about myself was my body (along with every other 23 year old I know to be fair) so I started to lose weight.
Suffering from an under active thyroid meant that I had to work very hard to lose weight and with a history of yoyo dieting I didn't hold our much hope. Then I discovered exercise and pretty soon I had lost over a stone and was back to a comfortable size 14. I felt amazing and even went to Gran Canaria with 3 skinny mates and still felt sexy. However, the exercise was grinding to a halt and my progress slowed, I wasn't getting any fitter and it was time to end my only 100% committed relationship I have ever had.....Polly.
I never had an epiphany or a health scare, no one close to me had cancer and I was able to afford to smoke (all smokers are). Then I asked my boyfriend one day if there was anything he could change about me what would it be.... he didn't even blink "I would make you a non-smoker".
I began to analyse myself and my relationship with cigarettes. If my boyfriend tried to dictate my moves, alienate me from my friends or drag me out of the pub I would have none of it. Yet I let cigarettes do it.... its time for this relationship to end
This blog is about my journey. I don't expect anyone to read it, it's more a tool to help me help myself and if I help someone else at the same time that's a bonus. So here we go..... Day 1....
Polly sounds like a wonderful friend.... replace Polly with Cigarettes.....
There is a very funny quote which says: "giving up cigarettes is easy, I've quit hundreds of times".
It increases the risk of cancer, of heart problems, it means you can't be fit, it makes you smell, it takes all your money and most of the time you hate it. Yet quitting cigarettes is the most difficult thing I have ever done. And I haven't even succeed yet.
I don't know if anyone will read this blog, but that's not really the point anyway. This is quit attempt 457 (just kidding but it feels like it) and this time I am determined to get off of cigarettes for good! I knew that I needed to do something different, something that I could focus on that would keep my hands busy, but at the same time I needed to talk about how I was feeling. I can't knit or sew and baking is out of the question because I want to avoid comfort eating everything in sight. So I decided to start a blog. Why not? Seems the whole world is online, I hope that it will serve as an cyber diary where I can offload how I feel without the embarrassment of having my mum find it in my knicker drawer (been there, done that, not pretty!)
So I suppose I should give you some information about myself, just incase you are reading it!?
My name is Sarah and I am 23 years old. I first tried cigarettes when I was 13 as an attempt to get the "cool" kids in school to be my friends (a behaviour heavily attributed to being bullied at primary school). That was until my Mum caught me stealing fags out her packet and I got a good hiding plus was grounded for like a year!!
Never touched them after that, in fact I joined the school hockey team, everything was fine, until I turned 16. Suddenly I found myself hanging with my friends at the park at the weekend (I know I know please don't judge me!) and we were buying alcohol and somehow I started smoking again. When I got caught this time I had the law on my side, all my Mum said was that if I wanted to smoke I had to get a Saturday job, so I did.
Fast forward 7 years; after failures and successes, falling in love and quickly back out of it, getting into uni, meeting new friends, losing old friends, moving out of home, moving back home, I find myself in a funny world of contentment. Having been with my boyfriend (and Mr. Right I may add) for almost 3 years and finally shifting some weight I realised that my life was good. I have a great relationship with my parents (who I still live with by the way) and younger brother, I am doing well in my Masters course in Social Work so the career ambitions are going well, I have a part time job I love and a great group of friends. The only thing I hated about myself was my body (along with every other 23 year old I know to be fair) so I started to lose weight.
Suffering from an under active thyroid meant that I had to work very hard to lose weight and with a history of yoyo dieting I didn't hold our much hope. Then I discovered exercise and pretty soon I had lost over a stone and was back to a comfortable size 14. I felt amazing and even went to Gran Canaria with 3 skinny mates and still felt sexy. However, the exercise was grinding to a halt and my progress slowed, I wasn't getting any fitter and it was time to end my only 100% committed relationship I have ever had.....Polly.
I never had an epiphany or a health scare, no one close to me had cancer and I was able to afford to smoke (all smokers are). Then I asked my boyfriend one day if there was anything he could change about me what would it be.... he didn't even blink "I would make you a non-smoker".
I began to analyse myself and my relationship with cigarettes. If my boyfriend tried to dictate my moves, alienate me from my friends or drag me out of the pub I would have none of it. Yet I let cigarettes do it.... its time for this relationship to end
This blog is about my journey. I don't expect anyone to read it, it's more a tool to help me help myself and if I help someone else at the same time that's a bonus. So here we go..... Day 1....
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