So day 1...
day 1..
d.a.y. 1 eh?
I've been told that Day 1 is meant to be the easiest. It's the day when you are full of confidence, full of motivation, full of desire and positive thinking to kick this filthy, disgusting habit for good.
I hate Day 1!
Day 1 for me is one of the hardest days! If someone could live in my head for the day I would probably be diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic by night time. I argue back and forth with myself all day, the conversation goes a little like this:
Me; "Right Sarah This is It! This time I am chucking the habit for good! I am going to be fit and healthy and smell lovely! WooHoo!"
Me; "The only thing is... I don't know if I really want to do this... I mean am I doing this because my friends and family think I should?"
Me; "Don't be silly, of course I want to do this... most of your friends smoke anyway so they aren't telling you to stop"
Me;"I just don't feel right without a fag... It's part of who I am; Sarah, white, 23, female, smoker"
Me;"Yeah but now I can be Sarah, white, 23, female, ex-smoker, fit, slim, smells lovely!"
Me;"Yeah I suppose... but I don't want to be all pissy and moapy all the time... I could just go buy a pack, I am at work anyway, no one would know, I just need one, I could just have one..."
Me; "No! We are doing it this time! No-one wants to see a graduate puffing in the corner, a social worker coming in stinking of smoke, a beautiful bride hiding round the back of the church, or a pregnant women smoking before she goes into the labour ward... I don't want this anymore!!"
Me; "but...."
And on and on I go...
I am using patches for this quit attempt. I was actually meant to stop at the beginning of the summer and was taking Champix (the new anti-smoking prescription drug) for the second time in my smoking career. The first time I used Champix I stopped for almost 8 months so I was hopeful about stopping for good with it this time. However, when I used Champix the last time I did have two out of the 490 possible side effects: insomnia and nausea. Having brought this up with my Doctor I was prescribed a lower dose of the drug this time around.. I felt great, no sickness and I was sleeping fine... in fact I was two days away from my stop date when one night I developed sever pain in and around my left eyeball. Putting it down to a migraine I took some painkillers and went to bed. The next day; no headache.... mega eye pain.
I went to my Doctor the same day and had a thorough eye test, ruling out swelling, eye strain or foreign body. Champix was deemed the culprit and I was quickly taken off the drug.
It was a major blow I was all siked up for stopping and with a girlie holiday in Gran Canaria looming with the promise of sun and alcohol a plenty I felt that I had missed my chance! Patches never worked in the past and I felt really pessimistic about my chances.
What changed? My mind set... don't get me wrong I smoked happily in Gran Canaria and never regretted not stopping whilst I was there but it was when I had to try and time my final cigarette as close to the planes scheduled departure as possible that I knew enough was enough. Being on holiday is one thing but back at home I didn't have any more excuses. Sure patches never worked in the past but I also started smoking again after the Champix. I felt sure the Champix would work this time so why not the patches. I realised the difference was me, not the tool, so I decided to give the patches a proper go.
Day 1 was hard... the two sides of my personality fighting amongst themselves throughout the day but work was a grateful distraction and I also ate my body weight in cream cakes... justifiable so, I thought.
That evening at home I found myself at my computer and that's when I had my blog idea, so I set that up and was feeling pretty positive about the whole thing. I then decided to reward myself for getting through the most difficult part of my personal stop smoking journey... day 1.
two hours later I was finishing my blog having had a deep root conditioning treatment, full body scrub, foot massage and pedicure, manicure and fake tan... all from the comfort of my own home. I felt like a new person... Sarah, 24, female, white, ex-smoker....and bloody gorgeous!
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